disclaimer: I do not care what you think about these thoughts, ideas or opinions. just wrote them down at the moment. Ofcourse they could change, did change or are changing. Just wanted to put some words down at the moment to spur thoughts and ideas.
Partially, the reason I create art is just simply to express myself, which is the most basic (and seemingly bullshit) answer out there for creating. But it just makes sense when you can put yourself into something no matter how big or small, the material or medium, whatever the case, just putting yourself into the creative process in order (or not) to tell some story or message or just express some idea, feeling, emotion, anything is incredibly important. I think everyone does that in some way or another either through your work at a job how you choose to dress yourself or how you do anything really. It all means something to ourselves and is meant to be judged and addressed by others. The important part is to understand that we judge ourselves and that is the most important part, but to also understand that other people will always undoubtedly judge you. I think people say not to judge other people but I find that is absolutely a part of being human, having the ability and comprehension to judge someone, to put yourself in their shoes, to see them for what they are or how you believe they are is absolutely human. That is part of the human consciousness and that consciousness in everyday life seeps into our own subconsciousness. It can certainly be a slippery slope, the whole judgment thing, but I believe it is beyond important to human society and culture. It is an incredible complex thing.
So making art for me is making myself vulnerable (in theory, sometimes) and just expressing myself or my thoughts or ideas so that someone else can make their own judgement or opinion about me or my artwork into their own lives. Many times I do not like to tell people why I created something so that they can create their own story or message that makes sense to themselves without my input, making the art theirs. Obviously not everyone will like or understand something that I do, but I want to have the ability to create something that may just simply be beautiful. Other times I want it to tell a story or represent something more than just an image at the same time. My dream is to have my art be out in the public and people see it and first just feel something, hopefully positive, but not everything is meant to just be positive. Sometimes it is meant to be reflective upon negative moments in order to learn and move from those negative moments into positive ones. It is also important to me to have my art just simply show and tell people of my own story. A message like to keep working and going after what motivates and makes you enjoy life to the fullest. Because to me I am on a never ending search for the things that I enjoy the most in life and to fill my life with those things (not only things but feelings and emotions and all that shit too). But also to understand that I struggle with an immense amount of negative stuff in my life and for the most part I do not like to talk about them. Maybe because I am embarrassed by them or because I do not like to bring up negative stuff. I try to take those negatives in my life, which I tend to dwell on too much and beat myself up internally about for quite awhile, and turn them into positives by laughing about them or learning from them. I am trying to get better and forgetting and moving on from the negatives while learning from them. Thats what life is all about. Trying and, most likely, failing and moving on. Always moving forward and learning and helping others once you have some semblance of a grasp so that you can put out positivity to help others because it is all about giving. I want my art to symbolize what ever someone wants it to symbolize. Whether they like the simple beauty of it or they know me and my story and what I am all about and want that message. Or if they strongly dislike me but like the painting or like it simply for the value (if it may ever have any value to anyone else). It is important to understand life is full of ups and downs undoubtedly. You must find yourself through the chaoticly ordered life we live (self awareness). And always use the baseline as a place you know who you are and what you are about (it will change ofcourse) but when there are lows know that it will pick back up and when there are highs embrace and enjoy them but know they will come back down.
Lots of random thoughts pouring out of my head at the moment but felt like i rarely ever write them or express my thoughts to anyone and you cannot always get my thoughts and ideas through my art. So there you go. Cheers
Originally I wanted to make a cool video about this topic, but maybe I will do that some other time (I do not have good footage of me running or anything).
GO St Louis Marathon April 8 2018
So today is the day after I ran my first marathon. (Fuck I am in some pain, I think my shoe choice might have something to do with it) I do not really know how to feel besides being sore. I am happy with my time and feel fairly accomplished. But there is also this sense that there is more to do and always something next to strive for, which I have no determined yet, but am already thinking about. My time is good enough for Boston Qualifying, which would be sweet to do in my lifetime so if I can get into that that would be pretty cool. I keep thinking that I can get a better time than what I did and how I can train better in the future. I am thinking about the parts of the marathon that were the toughest and easiest and the why, how and what I was thinking at those times to get me through it. What can I do to make myself better. It was a great experience and whenever I am in a tough situation in my life I know that I can draw back at the pain, suffering, and never quit mentality from the marathon to fuel me through whatever situations arise in the future. That is one of the main reasons why I run and compete in anything. I try to learn and take valuable lessons from the suffering. The lessons that develop after reflecting from these enduring times are invaluable. Also while out running you go through thousands of different scenarios, thoughts and situations from your life and realize how important they are to you or how insignificant other things are. You draw from these experiences and you get a better understanding of what is important to you. Intense situations like a marathon help to create a stronger mental fitness. I keep telling people who ask about running a marathon that most of it is mental. Physically I knew that I had the capability to run for that long, as I think a lot of people physically can, but it comes down to the mental fortitude and strength to see it through to the end. The physical and mental pre race training had already happened, which is the tough part. Getting out the door each and every day to put the time and effort in to improve and strengthen your body is the most difficult part. On those days that it is cold or rainy or whatever the situation, even if it is not your best training day you are still improving if you get out there, both physically and especially mentally by pushing past your doubt and not wanting to go out. You have to understand that muscles grow and get stronger by breaking down and growing stronger, which is the process that we go through in training. You subject your body and mind to adverse situations in order to break down and grow stronger through the trials and tribulations. Dedicating and disciplining yourself to train and work towards a goal is the tough part. Going out on race day is simply putting together all the hard work and pushing through the pain to the finish line. At that point it is mostly mental and you have to make sure you are in the right mental state to finish the job.
There was some points of the race that I was in a bad place, but I knew that I was not going to quit and stop and I was determined before the race even started to reach a sub 3 hour marathon. Now that I have ran one and I see parts where I can improve I believe I can get an even better time than what I have just ran. Just like any aspect of life, things are not just a flat line there are ups and downs, twists and turns and all things in between. A race usually goes the same way.
I decided early on what my goal was and what I wanted to accomplish. And I believe it takes mental strength and perseverance to say this is my goal and I am going to reach it whatever happens. I decided something and that was the only outcome that I allowed to enter my head. Sure I had my moments of doubt and many things could have happened that could have changed that and I could have failed, which would have meant that I would learn even more and I would get up and go after it again.
I just wanted to write down some of my thoughts after running my first marathon in order to reflect and maybe inspire or help others in any future endeavors.
KAIZEN- never ending continual improvement in all aspects
always reflecting, learning and moving forward
-I shoot with a SONY A5100, sony 18-55mm lens, sony 55-210mm lens
-My process: Go for a run with camera in backpack (not recommended for safety of camera), either explore or know what I want to photograph and go to places off the beaten path (usually find good shots there).
-I just jumped into photography with little knowledge and decided to learn as I go
-some other non important stuff follows below, just wanted to get a blog posted = ] . There is one decent joke too if you read ahead.
What do I shoot with?
I use a Sony a5100 camera with two different lenses- Sony e 18-55mm and Sony e mount 55-210mm.
I definitely did not know much about cameras when I bought these (I still do not know very much) and I just wanted something small, compact, capable of high quality images and a high pixel count. I wanted a DSLR for the quality, but they tended to be too large and bulky, but also more expensive. I found the cropped sensor made the cameras smaller and the mirrorless style also helped, but they still maintained a high quality. I bought this camera before I left for a trip to Europe and also wanted to use it for photographing some of my artwork.
I am learning every time that I go out to shoot and by reading books and online stuff frequently. I am constantly watching youtube videos and searching online forums to see and learn things. I find this approach the best way for me to learn, by doing, failing and trying new things. I still am not using the camera to its full potential I am sure, but I know it has the capabilities if I need a certain function. For instance, this camera has the ability to shoot in RAW format, which is very useful for editing purposes. If you are looking for a camera, obviously, it is helpful to go to a store and ask questions. I researched a lot online and found forums and youtube videos that helped me make my decision for quality, price and other aspects that I was interested in.
I usually like to go out for a run or bike ride and take pictures while doing so. I find this way useful because it allows me to clear my head, get some good exercise and cover a large area while being able to get to places that driving would not allow.
I run with my camera in a backpack that I stuff with either towels or old shirts to cushion it. Since I am very cheap I use beanies to wrap the camera and my lenses for a little more cushion (and hope they do not break). I just try to spend less money on all the extra materials that you may want, but are not necessary (if something breaks I am sure I would then think it is necessary, but I just do not want to spend the extra money and I enjoy my process so). For example, when I was traveling in Europe, I would try to get up at sunrise every morning and go for a run with my backpack to explore the city and take some photos. The night before I would research areas that I could run to and check them out. This process really helps to get two birds stoned at once (or kill two birds with one stone, whatever your preference). I get to work out and exercise while also exploring and taking photographs.
I just wanted to share how I got started into photography. I had a basic interest in it and just went for it learning as I go still to this day. I am not the most savvy photographer, I am not going to bog you down with camera specs, aperture, shutter speeds, ISO and all that fancy stuff (which is very important and can thoroughly help and expand your talents and skills as a photographer) that I am still becoming accustomed to as well. I enjoy the process of learning as I go and asking questions when they come up. I think anyone can be a good photographer like an skill if you put the time and effort in to learning. I think the subject, message, angle and the place you go is important, maybe more important, than all the stylistic things you can do with all the other specs. It definitely can be intimidating with so much that I do not know about it, but I enjoy the process and seeing the results and hopefully the improvement each time I go out to capture a moment in time.
This blog, in general, is just thoughts and ideas that I have or had over the years. It might include breaking down the thoughts about my own or others' artwork, or the process of creating artwork. It might be the process of creating some woodwork furniture or DIY information so you could follow along and make it yourself. It may be about other things and hobbies that I enjoy, for example, running my first marathon and the process and mindset of that. So we will see how it goes and what this turns into. If you are interested in hearing about something, please feel free to comment and let me know.